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“I cannot speak of Diego as my husband because that term, when applied to him, is an absurdity. He never has been, nor will he ever be, anybody’s husband.”
-Frida Kahlo with Diego Rivera
Selections from zucherman’s 2004 Summer Movie Reviews:
The Bourne Supremacy is the sequel to The Bourne Identity, and it is still about Jason Bourne, but in the first twenty minutes of the movie, his wife who is Franka Potente dies, and then in the rest of the movie people are pursuing him, and then there is a car chase. NOTE: IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY SEEN THIS MOVIE, AS MY OLDER BROTHER HADN’T WHEN HE READ MY WICKED REVIEW, DO NOT READ THE PREVIOUS REVIEW BECAUSE IT TELLS YOU THAT FRANKA POTENTE DIES. HENCEFORTH I SHALL WARN THE READER IN ADVANCE.
The Passion of the Christ (SPOILER ALERT) is about when Jesus died for our sins. And it is about nothing else. Billy Grahm really liked it, though, and so you should too. Warning for pussies: It’s really violent.
Troy is about Brad Pitt being Achilles and Orlando Bloom being a big pussy in the Illiad, but don’t see it with a bunch of fellow acting students who think acting is a mystical and sacred art, because seeing it with a bunch of fellow acting students who think acting is a mystical and sacred art is shitty.
I don’t know what Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was about, but it is the best movie I’ve ever seen about love, and it made me miss M———- (whose name is a secret because she’d kill me if she knew I was still writing about her) even though I’m not Jim Carrey and didn’t try to have my memories of her erased, and even though Jon Brion didn’t do the soundtrack to my life.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is the best Harry Potter movie yet, although the first one holds a magical quality for me because I saw it before I really knew anything about who Harry Potter is and Ron and Hermione and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, who is Lord Voldemort, and Dumbledor too. I saw the first one on a snowy night with a bunch of people and also with my ex-girlfriend, whose name was Kristen, and she sat on the other side of the aisle than me, and so I wrote her a note that went like this:
“Do you want to sit next to me and hold hands? Yes. No. (Circle one)”
But instead of circling one, she wrote “Hell no.”
The Village is a movie about how you’re really fucking stupid if you didn’t learn your lesson with Signs.
Anyway, I can’t think of any more movies to write about, so I’m going to read some more of G.K. Chesterton’s Orthodoxy, or maybe continue in Wuthering Heights before I go to bed. And as I’m going to bed, I’m going to try to be happy instead of very anxious and dead-feeling, and I am going to do this by thinking about how a cup of tea will taste nice in the morning, because I have learned that it is good to take life one step at a time, and drinking a cup of tea in the morning is something which is simple to do and happy, but not in a terrible way. I’m also going to try thinking about Hillary Duff right before I fall asleep, because then maybe I will dream that I am thinking about Hillary Duff.
I wanted to include the one about Dogville, but that was the spoiler-iest spoiler that ever was, and I didn’t want to ruin it for anyone who plans to see it.
Also: who says no to a note like that?
Also: Someone get Jon Brion on the phone. There’s not nearly enough wistful piano around here.
i love you nyc, but your subways have a thing or two to learn from the rest of the world….
Gorgeous design and architecture. NYC needs to step up its game.
